Merry Day After Christmas!!!

So, it's the day after Christmas and it looks like an elf threw up all over the place.  There are dishes everywhere, empty bottles of deliciousness, toys, Legos, laundry...you get the idea....but I am content.  I am content in knowing that we had the very best Christmas in our house.  We go on Christmas Lock-down after Christmas Eve services.  We spend Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, just the four of us, in our pajamas.  Nobody leaves, nobody has anything to do except just being together.  It's pretty amazeballs.  So, today, as I sit and stare at all of the Christmas aftermath everywhere, I'm happy.

Oh, how I've missed blogging.  Things have been pretty normal.  I really haven't had anything that I felt compelled to blog about.  Well, truth be told, working in a preschool gave me tons of material, but I'm not gonna throw a 3 year old under the bus for the sake of a laugh.  That ain't right.   And having my gallbladder removed wasn't all that fun, but I can totally sympathize with the men out there.  I'm pretty sure that's exactly what it feels like to be kicked in the nuts repeatedly.  Just sayin'. Seriously, though, the whole working mom thing really cut into my creative writing time.  Fear not, faithful ones!  I'm no longer a working mom!!!  No, I didn't get canned.  The hubs has taken a job in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma and we are moving to the great land of tornados friendly folks in a few weeks.  What does this mean for me, you ask?  (C'mon, you know you asked.) It means that I will no longer be working outside of the home and I get to return to my life of leisure.  Bring on the bon bons and soap operas.

I'm actually quite excited about the move.  I like the challenge of a new adventure.   Oklahoma is basically a different country.  Will I know the language?   How will I communicate?  Is there a Rosetta Stone program for me?  

But one challenge I am NOT looking forward to is this....

Apparently they don't sell wine in the grocery store.  WHAT?!?!?  How else do I figure that in as part of my monthly grocery store budget?  

I'm looking forward to a few things on the 2015 calendar already.  I've registered for the Oklahoma City Memorial Marathon on April 27.  Who knows what I'll see during my training!  I'm anxious to get back to it.  I've developed running withdrawal.  Stay tuned, boys and girls.  I'm baaaaaaack.

Waaaiiit...What?

I've mentioned that my youngest has Autism.  In order to give him every chance for success, he has been in intensive therapy since he was 14 months old.  As a result, I have spent countless hours in waiting rooms.  Last week I was sorta sent over the edge and it inspired me to write a short dissertation on waiting room etiquette.  I've broken it into a few simple categories for you.

Children and Parenting
I love my children.  We all know this.  I am extremely thankful that I'm a hardass when it comes to behavior in public places.  Oh, sure they act like little assholes at home, but they are angels in public 98% of the time.

• I'd like to gently suggest that you NOT allow your children to climb all over waiting room furniture, particularly the chair that I am sitting in.  This is especially true when they are over the age of 10.  
• It shouldn't be necessary for me to don full pads and a helmet just to sit and wait for my child.  When your child throws everything, it makes me want to throw you.
• If your child needs a diaper change, please use the changing facility available or go out to your car.  This is especially true for major blow-outs.  Much like the football gear, I don't often carry gas masks to appointments.  
• While we're on the topic of changing clothes, please do not strip your child nekkid and change her into her dance outfit in the middle of the waiting room.  Wrong time.  Wrong place.
• I'm all for breast feeding.  I nursed mine.  I even nursed in public when I had to.  I never ever just took my shirt off and got after it.  Just sayin'.

Personal Hygiene

These are things I've actually witnessed while in a waiting room.

• Do NOT cut your toenails.
• Do NOT discuss your test results with the office manager.  She does not care about your last pap smear.  I promise.  Besides, you're at the dentist.
• I love make-up, but I apply it at home.  No need to lay the entire Clinique counter out on the chair next to you.
• Do not blow-dry, curl,  or straighten your hair.
• Do not hock a loogey and spit it in the trash can.
• For the love of all things good and holy, if you're going to chew gum, do so with your mouth closed.
• Eating a light snack is understandable.  Eating a large order of fajitas is not.  And while we're on the topic of eating, no fish, curry, or broccoli should ever be eaten in a common waiting area. Ever.  No excuses. 

Cell Phones and iPads

• Put your phone on vibrate and turn off the text typing sounds
• If you're going to watch YouTube videos or catch up on your Netflix, please use some earbuds.  We don't all have the same taste in quality programming.  Besides, what if I haven't seen that episode yet?  You've ruined my experience, you jerk!
• Your playlist is not necessarily necessary for those of us waiting.  Please do not have your own personal dance party with your favorite jams.
• If you're alone in a waiting room, by all means, chit-chat all you want.  In a room full of people, a quick phone call is understandable; however, if you're going to get into a lengthy conversation about your babydaddy situation, your night at the club, your recent medical test results (please see Personal Hygiene for more), your legal issues, or your neighbor's bad parenting skills (oh, the irony), please step outside.

That's all I've got today.  I'm sure I can come up with more, but I want to hear YOUR worst waiting room experience!

Summer Lovin'...pffftthhh

Didja miss me??  I've been wanting to write a post for about two months now, but I haven't had time.  Wanna know why?  Because SUMMER, that's why!   My children won't leave me the hell alone!  All the free, unstructured time does something to them.  They turn into little assholes, siphoning every ounce of patience I have.  They want to eat 24 hours a day, fight constantly over the living room TV (we have another one upstairs!), and expect me to spend a million dollars a day to keep them entertained.

Did I just say all of that out loud?  

I mean, I adore them.  Yay, summer!

I was nervous from the get-go because my little dude needs some structure.  I took the bull by the freakin' horns and created a Super Stoker Schedule  to provide structure and keep us from being bored. In an effort to help fill our days I went to the Mecca for activities, Pinterest, which resulted in extreme anxiety.  So many summer crafts.  (Y'all already know how I feel about Pinterest.  If you need a refresher, read my VD post).  But, it's OK.  I'm a big girl.  I can do this. 

I'm going to be straight up honest with you.  That schedule lasted about two weeks.  Oh well.  I tried.

My kids have spent the summer going to pools, playing with friends, watching too much TV, and eating more than an NFL team.  I've spent the summer at the pool with them and visiting with my friends (NEW MOM ADVICE: pick your kids' friends based on the cool moms, y'all!) but I've also been refereeing, nagging at them to clean up their messes, and wishing I could install a wine tap in my kitchen.  I'll be honest. (SHOCKER!)  After about two weeks I was really wishing for year-round school.  I was exhausted.  Some days it felt like there was not enough coffee or wine in the state of Texas.  Who's with me on this one?  

What I'm trying to say is, I will be glad when school starts.  My liver can't handle much more.  I can't wait for routine.  I can't wait for football.  I can't wait for cooler weather.  I can't wait for yoga pants!  

But, enough about me.  Let's talk more about....oh, who the hell am I kidding.  Let's talk more about me.  We are finally in the month of August, and you know what that means....

I had the best freakin' birthday EVER.  The stars, moon, and planet were perfectly aligned.  My children were angels all day long.  That night, we had dinner with some wonderful friends.  I may or may not have had a glass or two or ten of wine.

I had to drink Amy's wine on my birthday.  Duh.

Sorry for the blurry picture, but this is me letting the musician at The Tasting Room know how completely unacceptable it is that he doesn't know "More Than Words".  Who DOESN'T know that song?  It is a classic!  Extreme was the shiz.  And before you start, they were NOT a one hit wonder.  Their follow-up jam "Hole Hearted" was also a favorite of mine.  He didn't know that one either.  Maybe he needs a new career path.  Just sayin'.

Speaking of career paths,  I am embarking on a new adventure of my own.  

I will be the office manager at the same preschool where my littlest one went.  Like it says at the top, I love Jesus (even though I like to cuss a little), and I really feel like I was lead to this particular position.  It will be the best of both worlds for me.  I will have the flexibility to be Mom first while working in a Faith-centered environment.  Yes, they know about my blog and they hired me anyway.  I'm looking forward to working with some amazing women.  I mean, they laugh at my jokes, so I think we're going to get along just fine.  I have already started working a few days a week and I am so excited about the future.  It's been a long time since I've looked forward to going to work.  

But, y'all!!!  The best part is that  I have highlighters in every color!  Do you even know how excited I am about all my office supplies?  

What?  

You expected more? 

Stay tuned, boys and girls. This school year will be a memorable one, I just know it.  I'm training for my second marathon, working, and both boys will be in school.  Throw in soccer, piano lessons, therapy, regular life, and all the world's idiots, and I'm bound to have some prime blogging material.  

Missed y'all!

Rainy Day, End of Year Carpool Thoughts...

Holy hell, people!   It's not acid falling from the sky.  It's rain!  

Why in the world do people lose their freaking minds over a little precipitation?  And by people, I am specifically referring to the morons who decide to make up their own carpool rules 7 days before the last day of school.  WHY, PEOPLE???  The big ass orange cones are blocking the turn lane because you aren't supposed to turn there!  You have to go a little farther down before you u-turn so as to not create a cluster fuck of traffic right in front of the driveway.  I'd like to thank you very much for plastering your bumper with stickers including your children's names, activities and jersey numbers.  If you return from a game or practice to find 4 flat tires, I'm sure it's just a coincidence.  Oh, and what's with the jackass who feels his time is more important than everyone else's?  Sir, I realize that you got stuck driving your kid to school because Mom stayed home with the baby.  That's very noble of you.  I realize you are very important.  I can see that you have that stupid ear piece phone thingy that allows you to conduct 17 conference calls simultaneously while driving.  I'm impressed.  I truly am.  Having said that, this ain't Disney World.  You don't get a Fast Pass that allows you to skip to the front of the line.  See these 276 cars behind me?  We will join together in solidarity and beat your ass if you try to get in front of us.  

Namaste.

SCHEDULE ALL THE THINGS!

Summer is almost upon us!  My oldest and I enjoy spending summer days in our pajamas and hitting the pool if and when we feel like it.  The summer of 2014 will be a new adventure.  This will be my first summer to have my youngest home during the day in 3 years.  This poor guy needs some structure.  Idle time creates a monster.  He needs a plan.  Mommy needs a plan.   Summer for most people means easy days of sleeping in, flying by the seat of your pants, doing whatever you want whenever you want it.  For me with my boys, it means "Oh. Shit."  

I have daily themes, y'all.  I have color-coded calendars.  We have therapy appointments.  We have field trips.  We have pajama days with carefully thought-out activities to keep us busy while having the appearance of being lazy.  We have 477 pools to visit just in our neighborhood.  I have three road trips planned.  (Damn, you Suburban. Why did you die?  WHY????)  I have everything planned.  Did I mention I am a planner?  I've often said that we plan our lives and God sits back and laughs and laughs.  I am fairly certain that there is some pointing, crying, knee slapping, and snorting going on when He looks down on me.  The past two weeks have been a not-so-gentle reminder of that.

I was to attend a scheduled meeting in which we would plan the accommodations and modifications for Clay's kindergarten year.  I got there and it wasn't on the calendar, even though I WATCHED THE LADY WRITE IT ON HER CALENDAR.  Oh, and then I found out that all-important meeting can't happen until August.  Neat.  Ok.  Next?  I was given the ok to get back to running after a break due to this crazy thing I have happening with my foot.  Went to get my new shoes and it turns out I hate them. I can't run in my old shoes because just putting them on my foot causes waves of pain.  Well, shit.  I sat down and wrote out the budget, made a meal plan, put aside savings, did all the stuff that would make Dave Ramsey proud.  Fast forward to both dogs going to the vet, needing new floor in my youngest's room due to one of the dogs using his room as her personal toilet, and, and, and.... I set the alarm for church this morning, excited and a little nervous because this is the first Sunday we're singing in a different worship space while the sanctuary is under construction.  Guess who doesn't have a voice?  Damn. 

Leave it to God to always remind you to keep things in perspective.  My dear friend and neighbor might be the only person I know who has a harder time than I do releasing the control.  She has 4 gorgeous kids, runs a ministry, volunteers at school, and is in the middle of writing a book.  Thursday, I had to rush her to the hospital.  I won't go into detail, but just know that it was bad, y'all.  Really bad.  And it was something that was totally out of anyone's control.  She kept trying to manage all of the things that were going on around her and I kept saying, "Release the control, woman."  I'm pretty sure she finally gave in when she was anesthetized, but the second she was awake, she was at it again.  Then, on Saturday, she and her hubs went out to celebrate with some friends and the baby drank tie-dye fluid.  Really?

 I've been reminded that sometimes you just have to go with the flow.  This is hard, y'all.  I'm not a flowy person.  I need a plan.  I need color-coded calendars.  I need structure.  I need a plan.  But, more importantly, I also need Grace.  I need Grace for myself, for my kids, and for everyone around me.  And for those days when I feel like I don't have enough Grace to make it one more minute, I will remember 2 Corinthians 2:9 which says "⁹ But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me."

Wishy Washy Wednesday

I have a ton of laundry to do at this very moment, so it makes perfect sense to sit here and write about it.  You see, I was busy preparing to be a freakin' rock star last week (more on that in another post) and sort of neglected the laundry.  Luckily, we are blessed to have have a lot of clothes, but as I was sorting it all, I couldn't help but wonder if anyone is wearing underwear today.  I have an entire load made up of just underwear and socks.  AN ENTIRE LOAD, Y'ALL!    

I'm not sure how we end up with so much laundry.  I mean, there's only 4 of us, but some how, we can rival the Duggar Family.  Come to think of it, most days I change clothes at least twice, depending on workouts.  My husband does as well.  Hm.  I think laundry would be so much easier if I had my own laundromat.    My very own laundromat!  Doesn't that sound fun?  I could play my own music, put in a bar, have friends over for laundry parties...

Sorting all the boy undies has left me somewhat scarred.  It appears that I'm going to have to sit my 9 year old down and give him a refresher course on the fine art of wiping.  If I don't do this now, my future daughter-in-law will think I did a shitty job.  Pun intended.  Oh, and here's another question for the moms out there.  Do your children come home from school looking like they were attacked by their lunch?  Seriously.  I sent chocolate pudding with my 9 year old one day and he came home with it smeared on his back.  How?  That's a special kind of talent.  Oh, granted, it was all over his front, too, but the back is something else.  

And another thing, WHY do certain people keep wearing the underwear and socks that have holes all in them?  I mean, if you don't have to pull down your drawers to do your business, I think it's time to throw them away.  I'm in too much of a hurry to get it done, folded, and put away to worry about inspections.  Underwear is cheap!  Just tell me to pick up a 6 pack at Target!

Come on, people!  

Work with me!

Summer is coming.  We'll all live in swimsuits for three months.  Hey, isn't swimming in a swimsuit is kinda like washing it?  It should be.  Just like swimming should kinda be like a bath, but it's not.  

Damn the bad luck!

It's a good day, people

It’s a gorgeous day today.  I had every intention of going for a run or cising my jazzer, but I took a big fat nap instead.  I woke up refreshed, renewed, calm, and happy.  Picked up the littlest dude from preschool and enjoyed our drive home.  Pharrell Williams was singing “Happy”, the sunroof was open, and the sun was shining. 

I was feeling generous, so I let someone out of the junior high parking lot instead of blocking their intersection with my car.  My uplifting self-chatter where I tell myself how nice I am gets interrupted by the blast of a horn behind me.  I look in my rearview mirror to see a very shiny and new black Audi suv.  Its driver was yelling and throwing what I can only assume to be middle-aged man gang signs.  It’s cool, I let it go.  Maybe he had a bad day.  I’m not gonna let him disrupt my positive chi. 

We’re in a school zone and at an intersection with a red light, so traffic is moving slow anyway.  Man, it is so pretty outside today!  The wind is blowing leaves into my car, but I pay them no mind.  I’m just happy.  I get to the intersection where I’m finally able to turn and that damn horn sounds again, only this time longer and louder than before while the toupee-wearing gangster makes a threatening motion with his hand while speeding through the light.  Damn, dude.  It appears my positive chi has been disturbed.  I hope a large bird takes a shit on your car.

Motivation, Inspiration, Inebriation...

So, in case I haven't mentioned it, I ran a marathon.  A MARATHON!  Twenty-six point freakin' two miles!  I knew I wasn't going to win, but I prayed to Baby Jesus that someone would finish after me and that I wouldn't be last.  Thank God for those three people trying to run without any limbs.

It's kinda like when you have your first baby.  You know other people have done it, but when you do it for the first time, it's like you've discovered fire.  I was very proud of myself, sure, but I also knew how many friends were supporting me and I wanted to share my excitement with them.  Their motivation and encouragement got me through it all!

I posted a bunch of pictures on Facebook and even wrote a race report because I found out that's something that hard core runners do, and we all know I'm hard core, so....  

I had so many people say things like, "You look so pretty in your race pictures!"  

I have to admit there are some good ones.  

Here are my favorites:

Here's the thing, I agree.  I do look good in these. What you have to understand, though, is that this was the finish and I was so damn happy to be finished.  I DID IT!!  

Screw that.

The real reason is that I'm vain.  I just wanted to make certain I didn't look like this again.

If I saw a camera during my 26.2 miles, you bet your ass I was smiling.

It's no secret that I'm proud of my journey.  I ran my first mile exactly one year to the day of the marathon.  I was never ever a runner.  I was in athletics in high school, and somehow I could manage to run up and down a basketball court all day long but could never run a mile without stopping.  So, yeah, it's a big damn deal.  I've been told that my year has inspired others to run, too.  Knowing my progress was encouraging enough to get someone else out there is very cool.

 In 2007 I walked in the Breast Cancer 3-day.  While walking, my sister-in-law and I were chosen to be in their 2008 ad campaign.  

Through commercials and print ads, I helped to inspire millions of people to walk 60 miles in 3 days.  I had women tell me that my words in the commercial prompted them to get their annual mammogram.  I was completely humbled then, just as I am now.

And then this happened.....

Shit.

VD...It's better for some than others.

Let's talk about Valentine's Day, otherwise known as VD around here.  If you think I sound a little bitter, you're absolutely correct.

My husband is out of town today.  Last night he said his boss was surprised that I was ok with him going out of town for Valentine's Day.  I said, "Well, I wasn't really given the option."  He said, "You're not really that upset that I'm going out of town for Valentine's Day, are you?"  I looked at him and said, "Really?  After 14 years together, you haven't figured out that Valentine's Day is important to me?"

Growing up, I never had a Valentine on Valentine's Day.  Never.  Not in elementary school, junior high, high school, or college.  I was the one who was guaranteed NOT to have a Valentine's Day date, so I always got asked to babysit.  The one year I had a boyfriend for Valentine's Day was in college and on our lunch date (he had to work that night) I was informed that I was being replaced.  Nice.  

I'm a little overwhelmed by all the Pinterest Valentine's Day options.  I just bought the little cards at Target and called it good.  Oh, wait.  I had to buy three sets of cards because the first set I bought for my oldest were "totally dumb."  Well, alrighty then.  Good thing I didn't tell him we had the option to build each of his classmates a replica of Disney World using cardboard toilet paper rolls and paint chip cards from our local hardware store.  No way in hell was I going to fashion a life-sized cupid out of twist ties and sugar cubes for his teachers.  Valentine's Day fell on a Friday with a full-moon.  Know what his teachers got?  Spec's gift cards.  Hell yes!  Hand over that Mom of the Year trophy right now!

I was supposed to have breakfast with my best friend, Brad,  this morning.  Wait -- Let me explain this relationship to you--I rarely had a boyfriend, but I always had Brad.  Brad was my date more often than not in high school, college, and beyond.  My first semester living in the sorority house, I was DREADING VD.  I lived in a house with 40 women who all seemed to have boyfriends, and when the damn doorbell started ringing at 7:30 am for flower deliveries, all I could do was cuss.  "I can't believe this is starting already!  Can't they at least wait until a decent hour to deliver all their lovey-dovey shit!?"  My roommate, knowing that I was in no condition to answer the door, went downstairs.  Thirty seconds later, I hear her laughing, and she says, "Critter, you're not going to believe it, but they're for YOU!!!"  My Brad sent me flowers.  When I called him to thank him, he said, "I couldn't let you NOT get flowers today."  See why we love Brad?   Anywho, I had been looking forward to our breakfast date for weeks.  When I got a text at 7:00 this morning, I just knew it would be from Brad telling me "Happy Valentine's Day!  Let's stuff our faces at 9:00!"  Unfortunately, no.  His sweet little princess was sick and he was on Daddy Duty.  Of course I understand, but...well...Shit.

So, I did what any woman does when she's feeling sorry for herself and has her tax-refund money in the bank.  I went to DSW and bought new shoes.  Fewer than 10 pairs but more than 2.  I'll just leave it at that, ok?

After the shoe binge, it was time to join my littlest dude for his class party.  All those little ones hopped up on sugar running amok would normally make me crazy, but I was overwhelmed with how much I love mine.  He is absolutely perfect and he LOVES me.

And then the big boy came home and gave me this card.

He makes me crazy sometimes, but I sure do love him.  He is an old soul with a sense of humor that would make even Grumpy Cat smile.

One more cool thing happened.

Lola's adoption was official today!  Doesn't she look thrilled??

So, I guess my Valentine's Day didn't completely suck.  I have the hottest husband around, two gorgeous kids, and two dogs that make our family complete.

Here's hoping your day didn't suck either.

I wuz runnang...

Yesterday I joined 80,000 of my closest friends to run a half-marathon.  The Chevron Houston Marathon and Aramco Houston Half-Marathon take place simultaneously and take over downtown, the Galleria, and some local farming communities.  What I'm trying to say is that the race is huge.  A few weeks ago I thought I wouldn't be able to run it at all because I was having some foot issues.  Good thing those foot issues turned out to be shoe issues.  

I had already deferred to next year, but decided to un-defer.  I exchanged emails with Amanda who told me to ask for her at the expo and she would personally hand me my bib.  I did, and she did, but come race morning, my friends and family still couldn't track me. I went to the help desk and I was told that I never picked up my bib.  Um, yes I did.  I'm wearing it. 

Turns out Amanda had no recollection of handing me my bib at the expo even though she said, "Oh!  You're the one with the bad shoe!  Glad you're here!" (I think she might be on drugs.  Bless her heart.)  She gave me the wrong bib at the expo.  The bib that I have on in the above picture was not an official bib and that Amy Stoker did not exist.  Are you confused?  There's a simple explanation.  You see, when I decided to un-defer, she reregistered me as an Elite runner.  HAHAHAHAHAHA!!

That bib never got picked up.  Long story short, (too late) they got me in the system just in the nick of time.  Whew!  I would have hated to not exist!  Apparently the saga is not over, though.  I can't pull up any pictures via my last name or my bib number.  Damn the system!

I still can't believe I'm a runner.  A RUNNER!!  I feel humbled at every single race I run, but his race was something special.  Entry isn't even guaranteed unless you're an Olympic gold medalist from Kenya.  I had to pay $100 to enter the lottery just to see if I'd be selected.  (Kinda like a beauty pageant.)  I have heard more than one person say, "I just did the half."  Excuse me.  It's not just a half.  It's 13 point freakin' 1 miles and you earned that medal!  I can't wait to do it again.  I've already decided that I'm going to run the full Houston marathon next year.  Yes, I am a special kind of crazy. Why do you look so surprised?  I'm all about achieving goals, especially the hard ones.  

  

I do have some race reflections that I'd like to share for runners and non-runners, alike.  Pay close attention.  This is real life advice, people!

1)  If you have to get up to meet your group at 4:00 am, make sure you have fun people to ride with.  Some things said were:
I'd tap Eminem
 Sorry, I was distracted by that guys tights.  You can see his organs.
Was that guy running high?

2)  If you should choose to blow a snot-rocket, please make sure you look next to you before taking your shot.  Ew.

3)  If you are going to just all of a sudden stop running and start walking, MOVE TO THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!  I almost tripped over a few people.  

4  I like to sing while I run.  So what if I'm singing Eminem's "Shake That" at the top of my lungs.  I'm pretty sure that everyone else agrees that "I smoke so much weed you wouldn't believe and I get mo' ass than a toilet seat" is just good writing.  And don't you dare judge me when you find out that the next song in my playlist was a ballad by One Direction.  I like the Lion King feel of the latest boy fetus band hit.

5)  There were a few turd piles along the route.  I was not in the lead of the pack, and this causes me great concern.  Were people shitting themselves and then dumping it in the middle of the road?  Ew, ew, EEEWWW!!!  There are perfectly good port-a-potties located all along the route.  At least find a bush for crappin' out loud!

6)  Am I the only one who uses a port-a-potty and still reaches back to flush?

7)  Spandex isn't for everyone.  

8  I bet men would be faster if they waxed their back hair

9)  Who finishes a half-marathon and then runs 5 more?  Me, that's who.  My full-marathon is just a month away and my eye is on the prize.  For now, I'll enjoy my PR and focus on my 20 mile training run coming up on Saturday!

It's not a Boston qualifying time, but I'll brag about it all day and twice on Sunday.  It's MY time and I'm damn proud.

So, about my New Year's Resolutions...

Remember when I said I was going to work smarter, not harder and work the hot mom look and find something besides yoga pants to wear?  Yeah, that didn't work out so well today either.  I had to break down and do laundry only because I was out of clean yoga paints.  I felt like I'd failed when I posted that as my status this morning from my phone.  I just HAD to put Facebook back on my phone.  It was  turmoil not knowing if Sally had gone to the gym or not and I seriously need to see the morning selfies and hear your thoughts about the latest episode of the Bachelor.  

In those 36 hours, I missed stuff.  I missed YOU!  

So, yeah, I felt like a failure for falling short of my own expectations for self-improvement for 2014.  But wait! At least I didn't just go buy new yoga pants!  (I may or may not have done that in the past.  Don't judge me.  You don't know my life)  Determined to make something out of this day, I threw on some sweats that I should have gotten rid of 25 lbs ago, just knowing that I'd rock a cute look later for pre-school pick-up and came home to start the laundry.  I was out of detergent.  Well, shit.

I guess I'll paint my bathroom instead.  

Have you ever painted your bathroom?  You uncover a whole new level of nasty when you do that.  You find enough hair to make ten wigs.

I'm not sure what the yellow goo was on the top of the door frame, but I'm just thankful someone had the brilliance to make Clorox wipes.  I'm telling you, if not for Clorox wipes, my house wouldn't get cleaned sometimes.  I know all about Fly Lady and her genius strategies, but I am rebellious and want to just do it my way.  The problem is that when I start to clean, my ADD kicks in and the next thing you know I'm organizing my 7th grade photos.  On the off chance I don't get sidetracked, bad things always happen.  Seriously, y'all.  Last week I attempted to clean my kitchen window and the rails that hold the window open popped out.  I broke the damn window!  This right here is why I've decided my cleaning lady is coming back.  I can't afford to replace windows.

I did manage to finish painting the bathroom in time to get showered and make myself presentable for pick-up.  Clay and I went to Target so that I could buy the detergent to finish the laundry.  Know what?   I decided to try a new laundry detergent....a cheaper one....and I got more yoga pants.

Merry New Year!

Today is January 6 and according to Today on NBC, it is the most depressing day of the year.  I disagree.  The day I had to stop wearing Units was the most depressing day of my....oh, wait!  Depressing day of the year.  I get it.  Sorry, never mind.  So, yeah.  January 6 is the most depressing day of the year. Well, cheer up, buttercup!  Amusing Amy is here for YOU!

We had a simple Christmas, surrounded by Kleenex, Vicks, antibiotics, Mucinex and snot.  My poor kids could not get well, but it was nice to avoid the hustle and bustle.  Hubs was off for two weeks and we got to spend some much-needed time at home all together.  Having said that, if I hear "What Does the Fox Say" one more time, someone is going to lose a limb. 

My oldest always amazes me with his compassion, selflessness and maturity.  This was his letter to Santa.

Who says that and really means it?  When I was 8 years old, I wanted every Barbie under the sun, 5 Care Bears, a skateboard, a hula-hoop and Frogger for the Atari.  Luke just isn't that way when it comes to Christmas.  Every other day of the year he's just as wanty as any other kid and can honestly be quite the jackass, but not Christmas.  My youngest just wanted M&Ms and kept asking over and over for reassurance that Santa wasn't going to come into his room.  His literal mind isn't a big fan of some fat dude in a red suit breaking and entering.

 Despite the sick kiddos, we had a great time being together and even added a new family member!  Everyone, this is Lola.  

We got her from Basset Buddies Rescue Texas and we absolutely love her!  She and Boris are great friends...now.  It took some time.  In fact, this is the conversation that ensued via text with my friend, Wendy.  

Wendy: How's everyone getting along?

Amy: She isn't a fan of Boris bein' in her bidness, but she's adjusting

Wendy: Fair enough - they did just meet 

Amy: She showed him her teeth. Ain't talking smiles.

Wendy: Girl's proud a her grill.

Amy: Or her snatch.

Wendy: We are all proud of our snatch!!! . I just might already love her!

Amy: I guess I'd show my teeth in a non-smiling way too if some stranger's nose was there.

Wendy: See!

Amy: She got a bath. Snatch was staaaaanky. 

Wendy: Whew. 

Amy: And I got her some doggie "freshen up spray"

Wendy: They have snatch spray for pups!?!?

Amy: For when she's feelin' not so fresh

Thirty minutes later....

Wendy: we're hilarious. We should go on the road!

Amy: Yeah. An agent would snatch us right up.

 She is completely lady-like in every way.  

How I have lived my entire life without a Basset Hound, I'll never know.  She is the perfect addition to our crazy!

So, now it's the most depressing day of the year (Units would totally make it better) and we are gearing up to go back to school tomorrow.  HALLELUJAH!  Ahem.  I mean, I'll really enjoy being back on a routine and I think the boys will enjoy me not threatening their earthly existence if they fight one more time, destroy each other's latest Lego creation, or leave those tiny Legos laying around for me to step on.  Ever step on a Lego?  It's worse than childbirth.   

I've made some resolutions for the New Year, and I'm sure you're dying to know what they are.   Simply stated, I want to sport the mom look less and the hot mom look more.  I also want to Dave Ramsey it up over here. I realize that these two resolutions might work against each other, but I really do want to make more of an effort to wear more than workout clothes.  Ok, maybe at least wear make-up with my nice workout clothes. 

 I've decided that my word for 2014 is "le duh", meaning I plan to focus on the obvious.  Work smarter, not harder.  Eliminate distractions that don't make me a better mom/wife/friend/blogger.  (I deleted Facebook from my phone, y'all.  That's huge.) Focus on the things that matter most to me.  Run my first marathon.  Holy cow!  

Stay tuned, kids.  It's gonna be a great year.