Yesterday I joined 80,000 of my closest friends to run a half-marathon. The Chevron Houston Marathon and Aramco Houston Half-Marathon take place simultaneously and take over downtown, the Galleria, and some local farming communities. What I'm trying to say is that the race is huge. A few weeks ago I thought I wouldn't be able to run it at all because I was having some foot issues. Good thing those foot issues turned out to be shoe issues.
I had already deferred to next year, but decided to un-defer. I exchanged emails with Amanda who told me to ask for her at the expo and she would personally hand me my bib. I did, and she did, but come race morning, my friends and family still couldn't track me. I went to the help desk and I was told that I never picked up my bib. Um, yes I did. I'm wearing it.
Turns out Amanda had no recollection of handing me my bib at the expo even though she said, "Oh! You're the one with the bad shoe! Glad you're here!" (I think she might be on drugs. Bless her heart.) She gave me the wrong bib at the expo. The bib that I have on in the above picture was not an official bib and that Amy Stoker did not exist. Are you confused? There's a simple explanation. You see, when I decided to un-defer, she reregistered me as an Elite runner. HAHAHAHAHAHA!!
That bib never got picked up. Long story short, (too late) they got me in the system just in the nick of time. Whew! I would have hated to not exist! Apparently the saga is not over, though. I can't pull up any pictures via my last name or my bib number. Damn the system!
I still can't believe I'm a runner. A RUNNER!! I feel humbled at every single race I run, but his race was something special. Entry isn't even guaranteed unless you're an Olympic gold medalist from Kenya. I had to pay $100 to enter the lottery just to see if I'd be selected. (Kinda like a beauty pageant.) I have heard more than one person say, "I just did the half." Excuse me. It's not just a half. It's 13 point freakin' 1 miles and you earned that medal! I can't wait to do it again. I've already decided that I'm going to run the full Houston marathon next year. Yes, I am a special kind of crazy. Why do you look so surprised? I'm all about achieving goals, especially the hard ones.
I do have some race reflections that I'd like to share for runners and non-runners, alike. Pay close attention. This is real life advice, people!
1) If you have to get up to meet your group at 4:00 am, make sure you have fun people to ride with. Some things said were:
I'd tap Eminem
Sorry, I was distracted by that guys tights. You can see his organs.
Was that guy running high?
2) If you should choose to blow a snot-rocket, please make sure you look next to you before taking your shot. Ew.
3) If you are going to just all of a sudden stop running and start walking, MOVE TO THE SIDE OF THE ROAD! I almost tripped over a few people.
4 I like to sing while I run. So what if I'm singing Eminem's "Shake That" at the top of my lungs. I'm pretty sure that everyone else agrees that "I smoke so much weed you wouldn't believe and I get mo' ass than a toilet seat" is just good writing. And don't you dare judge me when you find out that the next song in my playlist was a ballad by One Direction. I like the Lion King feel of the latest boy fetus band hit.
5) There were a few turd piles along the route. I was not in the lead of the pack, and this causes me great concern. Were people shitting themselves and then dumping it in the middle of the road? Ew, ew, EEEWWW!!! There are perfectly good port-a-potties located all along the route. At least find a bush for crappin' out loud!
6) Am I the only one who uses a port-a-potty and still reaches back to flush?
7) Spandex isn't for everyone.
8 I bet men would be faster if they waxed their back hair
9) Who finishes a half-marathon and then runs 5 more? Me, that's who. My full-marathon is just a month away and my eye is on the prize. For now, I'll enjoy my PR and focus on my 20 mile training run coming up on Saturday!
It's not a Boston qualifying time, but I'll brag about it all day and twice on Sunday. It's MY time and I'm damn proud.
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