Waaaiiit...What?

I've mentioned that my youngest has Autism.  In order to give him every chance for success, he has been in intensive therapy since he was 14 months old.  As a result, I have spent countless hours in waiting rooms.  Last week I was sorta sent over the edge and it inspired me to write a short dissertation on waiting room etiquette.  I've broken it into a few simple categories for you.

Children and Parenting
I love my children.  We all know this.  I am extremely thankful that I'm a hardass when it comes to behavior in public places.  Oh, sure they act like little assholes at home, but they are angels in public 98% of the time.

• I'd like to gently suggest that you NOT allow your children to climb all over waiting room furniture, particularly the chair that I am sitting in.  This is especially true when they are over the age of 10.  
• It shouldn't be necessary for me to don full pads and a helmet just to sit and wait for my child.  When your child throws everything, it makes me want to throw you.
• If your child needs a diaper change, please use the changing facility available or go out to your car.  This is especially true for major blow-outs.  Much like the football gear, I don't often carry gas masks to appointments.  
• While we're on the topic of changing clothes, please do not strip your child nekkid and change her into her dance outfit in the middle of the waiting room.  Wrong time.  Wrong place.
• I'm all for breast feeding.  I nursed mine.  I even nursed in public when I had to.  I never ever just took my shirt off and got after it.  Just sayin'.

Personal Hygiene

These are things I've actually witnessed while in a waiting room.

• Do NOT cut your toenails.
• Do NOT discuss your test results with the office manager.  She does not care about your last pap smear.  I promise.  Besides, you're at the dentist.
• I love make-up, but I apply it at home.  No need to lay the entire Clinique counter out on the chair next to you.
• Do not blow-dry, curl,  or straighten your hair.
• Do not hock a loogey and spit it in the trash can.
• For the love of all things good and holy, if you're going to chew gum, do so with your mouth closed.
• Eating a light snack is understandable.  Eating a large order of fajitas is not.  And while we're on the topic of eating, no fish, curry, or broccoli should ever be eaten in a common waiting area. Ever.  No excuses. 

Cell Phones and iPads

• Put your phone on vibrate and turn off the text typing sounds
• If you're going to watch YouTube videos or catch up on your Netflix, please use some earbuds.  We don't all have the same taste in quality programming.  Besides, what if I haven't seen that episode yet?  You've ruined my experience, you jerk!
• Your playlist is not necessarily necessary for those of us waiting.  Please do not have your own personal dance party with your favorite jams.
• If you're alone in a waiting room, by all means, chit-chat all you want.  In a room full of people, a quick phone call is understandable; however, if you're going to get into a lengthy conversation about your babydaddy situation, your night at the club, your recent medical test results (please see Personal Hygiene for more), your legal issues, or your neighbor's bad parenting skills (oh, the irony), please step outside.

That's all I've got today.  I'm sure I can come up with more, but I want to hear YOUR worst waiting room experience!