Aaaaaand We're Back

Well, the first week of school for my 3rd grader went off without a hitch!  As reluctant as he was to pose for pictures and give me kisses (nothing new there), he had a great first day.  Reminded me of his first day at preschool when I picked him up and he said, "Mom, I had a great day!  I made good choices!  Wait, did you leave?  All day?  YOU JUST LEFT ME HERE??!!"  He was a funny little dude.  Every parent and teacher knows that the first week of school brings the back to school germs.  My house turned into a breeding ground for viral plague this weekend.  My poor little 4 year old started preschool today and his reward was a trip to the doctor.  Upper respiratory and ear infections?  Ain't nobody got time for that!!  At least it isn't bronchitis.  Whew.

When my oldest started kinder we had a huge first day celebration with posters, balloons, streamers, and the works.  It was a par-tay!  I thought I had done something amazeballs.  And then came Pinterest.  These people make ME look like the kindergartner.  I do manage to make a special breakfast and dinner for the first day, but some people just have way too much time and energy on their hands.  Either that, or they're on drugs.  I haven't figured out which.  While I was waiting for preschool pick-up, I came across this link, and I really feel as though I need to meet this woman.  We would be great friends, don't you think?  

My absolute least favorite part of the back to school stuff is all the PTA paperwork.  SAVE A TREE, PEOPLE!  PUT ALL OF IT ON THE INTERWEBS!!  THAT'S WHY AL GORE INVENTED IT!  I swear I am cross-eyed from checking the little boxes, and I'm sure that there's some very judgmental PTA member shaking her head at the decline in my handwriting.  Whatever.  I sent my check.  Give me my free Chick-fil-a sandwiches and keep your opinions to yourself, lady.

My second least favorite part of the back to school stuff is Curriculum Night.  This is basically where we sit and listen to the team explain their expectations for the year.  I'm a former teacher.  I get it.  It's an important thing to do.....for those parents who can't READ.   Lucky me, I have the human snot factory and a husband working late, so my group text with two of my fellow soccer mom girlfriends went something like this:

Me:  I'm going to keep L home from soccer.  He's been really sick all weekend (probably from partying so hard Friday night with your kid, J.)

J:  Poor guy

Me:  And we just got home from the doc to find out C has an upper respiratory and ear infection.  YAYNESS!  The hubs won't be home until late, so I don't think I'm going to make it to curriculum night.  I'll just stay home and drink.

J:  How pleasant!

M:  In some ways, I'd rather stay home and drink.  Maybe we should bring drinks to curriculum night and take a shot every time they say we have to sign something.

Me:  Or mention the STAAR test (State standardized tests blow)

M:  I'll be hammered by the end!

Me:  You have twins, so that means you have to drink doubles.

J:  How about we shotgun a beer every time the PowerPoint screws up or someone asks if we can hear them.  

M:  Man, Amy, you're going to miss some fun!

Me:  Nah.  Y'all just need to FaceTime me so I can be present.  Best. Curriculum. Night. Ever.

Don't judge me.  You're just jealous you didn't think of it before you had to go to Curriculum Night