Kids these days just don't have the great products that we, the children of the 80's, had. My kid said to me a few weeks ago on a 3 hour car trip, "I really wish I had data on my iPad so that I could just watch Netflix." I nearly ran the car off the road as I explained how fortunate he is. When I was a kid, I was stuck in the back of my parents' Toyota Corolla hatchback with my Speak 'n Spell, books, and music. He says "Oh, did you just have an old Mp3 player or something?" Bless his heart. I said, "No, dude! I had a cassette player!" He goes, "What's a cassette?" A little piece of my heart died. Then, my friend, Amy, posted a picture from May 1989 on Facebook. (My mom used to call her "Pretty Amy" and I am quite certain it has something to do with my low self esteem and constant need for approval and reassurance but I'm not at all bitter about it.)
See what I mean? She's gorgeous. And that hair! I tried so hard to achieve hair greatness like that, but it just never quite got there. A few years ago Amy caught her hair on fire during the Christmas Eve candlelight service. Let's all thank the good Lord it didn't happen in the days of Aquanet and Rave, or she'd be a gonner.
Look at this magnificent chronicle of 80's grandeur. There's a Le Clic camera on the floor, y'all. And do you notice that wooden peg thing over her left shoulder? That's a bandana with a ceramic heart. That necklace was proudly worn with the denim jumper, white shirt with the large ruffled collar, and red Keds. That turntable was the bomb. Zoom in. Relive your youth.
I so remember the days of big hair, matching my bow to my socks, and singing along with Milli Vanilli at the top of my lungs. Watching my kid enter this stage of life is quite amusing. I am taking great pleasure in continuing to be as obnoxious as I've always been, much to his dismay, but to the complete and utter delight of his friends. Hey, at least they think I'm cool, even though I never had a Le Clic camera or a hair crimper.
.
Greatest Hits? Who knew?
I spent the weekend with him and his soccer team in Wichita, Kansas. (To all of my Texas friends that think Oklahoma sucks, you ain't been to Wichita.) Let me just say this. It became very clear to me this weekend that I was really destined to be a boy mom, but daaaaang do they stink. I couldn't decide what the dead, rotten, decaying, corpse-ass smell was coming from the back of my car until I got a good whiff of my kids backpack that held his cleats. You know in cartoons when they show a green hazy flow coming off of something? It was exactly like that. I swear. Cleaning and/or burning those items was the first thing on my to-do list when we got home. But, aside from the stench, the boys were hilarious. One of my favorite moments was when one of my kid's buddies asked me, "Ms. Amy, have you ever heard the song 'The Cars That Go Boom'?" Oh, bless your heart, young one. That was my 7th grade jam! I did what any good mom would do. I pulled that bad boy up on iTunes, turned the volume up, rolled down the windows and threw a little dance party for the 5 people in my car. I sang. I gyrated. I impressed the snot out of them. Oh yes, I did.
I've lost my ever-lovin' mind. Y'all, I am the president-elect for the middle school PTO. I don't even have a kid in middle school yet, but I've just gone balls to the wall with my volunteerism and level of parental involvement. What was I thinking? I'll tell you what I was thinking. I was thinking that the middle school people are my tribe. I get them. They get me. I taught 6th, 7th, and 8th graders for 9 years before I "retired" to stay home with my kiddos. I know that these teachers want food and booze. I haven't told my incoming middle schooler yet. We'll see how well that goes over.
cue maniacle laugh
